My C-Section: My Birth Experience

My son was born via an unexpected C-section. I was mentally prepared for a natural birth but knew that for his safety and mine, a C-section was the best answer.

My contractions came on slowly but with force on August 30th at 2:30 am. My goal was to labor at home for as long as possible. I tried to rest, and sleep. I showered, ate, and used my breathing techniques to get through the pain. They were strong but definitely manageable. My mom came over around 8 am and my husband was with me as well. Around 12 pm, I went to the restroom with this urge to pee, and that’s when my water broke. At first, I was like… is this what I think it is? I mean, I’ve never experienced my water breaking but it was pretty obvious.. baby boy was coming.

We gathered our luggage and headed to the hospital.

Then everything started to change when I arrived at the hospital. Of course, August 30th is the day that every woman in Miami is giving birth. The nurses said it had to do with the Blue Moon that day, but all I know is that I had to wait in triage for 2 hours while contracting before I was admitted. Once they checked me and confirmed my water had broken, I went straight to my labor and delivery room. I was only 2cm dilated but because my water had already broken, I was admitted.

I’m not sure what I expected. I know the nurses were busy but I was dropped off in my room, and that was it. My charge nurse never really came back to check on me, maybe once or twice during my stay.

The contractions started coming in stronger. They were like massive waves and I was trying to ride them as much as I could. I remember this machine that showed waves every time my contractions would start, and I tried to relax but watching that machine made it harder. The exercise ball and peanut ball really helped relax my pelvic area. My husband would massage and press on my lower back and that was the best thing ever. Sometimes I felt like I was losing it, but he would always help me get my head back in the game.

The nurse came back and was surprised at how much pain I was in. It was around 5 pm now, 3 hours since I had been admitted. I remember being so annoyed at hearing her say “Wow, looks like you’re in pain right?” Duh I’m in pain.. They were ready to give me pitocin, before seeing how much pain I was in. The doctor checked and I was a whopping 5cm dilated. I remember feeling so proud of myself. I was doing the damn thing!

The doctor said I could have the epidural anytime I wanted. I was surprised because I was told that after a certain threshold, I couldn’t get it. I looked at my husband at this point and I said, I’m ready for the epidural.

Here is when things started going downhill.

The epidural itself did not hurt. It was difficult to stay still, but it wasn’t painful. I rounded my back while the nurse held my hand. Then all of a sudden, I heard her say “Doctor, did you just see that fall?” Obviously, I can’t turn around because he has a needle in my back. The doctor responds “Yes, we will have to do it again.” I wasn’t sure what happened, so I asked the nurse. She said, “He has to do it again to ensure a sterile environment.” To this day, I never knew what fell and why I had to get the epidural done twice. Finally, they got it to work. It took about 15 minutes for the epidural to kick in, and boy was I relaxed. Finally! I could rest. The mood in the room had lifted, my mom and husband left to get food, and I slept for 2 hours. It was the most peaceful time. To this day, I’m grateful I got to rest those 2 hours.

Then, all of a sudden, I started feeling pain in my left side. I remember thinking how strange it was. I called the nurse and she told me to administer more of the epidural medication that was right next to me. So I did. Nothing. Then 15 minutes later, I started feeling pain on my right side. My husband came back to the room, and he could tell I could feel everything again. It was a nightmare. Nurses came in and were surprised to see how much pain I was in. This is where my memory starts to get fuzzy, but I remember the nurses saying “Wow how is she in this much pain? We gave her fentanyl ( and other opioids I can’t even remember.).” The doctor came in and checked me again and I was only 6cm dilated. They talked about redoing my epidural block but ultimately decided not to. It was around 7 pm at this point. Here is when I realized, I had to do the rest of my labor without the epidural. I started to panic. There’s a big difference when you take a birth course and everything seems hypothetical, versus experiencing everything firsthand. The most difficult part was that I had no sensation in my legs. I could feel every single contraction but could not move my legs. The nurses had to help me get into different positions and every movement came with excruciating pain. I felt stuck in my body, and I was asking for help, and nobody could help me. Finally, it was 12 am. I had been in labor for almost 24 hours. My doctor gave me the great news that I was 10 cm dilated. It was time to push.

Or so I thought.

My doctor gave me the disappointing news that my baby had not descended into my pelvis. Everyone thinks that the goal is to get to 10 cm dilated, but I would say more important than that, is the fetal station. The goal is to get to a positive number (+1, +2, etc). I was stuck at -1. He wasn’t moving. On top of that, he was facing my hip, causing immense pressure to my left side. This news was so disheartening. I thought I had done everything I could do.

The doctor then called the Spinning Babies expert into the room to try and get this baby in the best position. Every position she would put me in was excruciating. I wanted to get up from bed, move around, squat, anything else but lay on that bed. But there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless. We spent 2 hours between pushing and switching me from side to side, trying to get this baby to descend. But with each movement, I felt him move higher and higher in my uterus. I remember staring at a clock behind my head with every push, crying because I wasn’t advancing.

I used every part of my body to try and push him out, but nothing worked. I was on oxygen and I could hear my baby's heart rate increasing with every contraction. We were both struggling. So I looked at my doctor and I said no more. Let’s do a c-section.

During this entire process, the contractions were not letting up. My mind wanted to deliver him naturally, but my body would not budge. My body couldn’t do it anymore.

Then, I had to endure the epidural placement for a third time. This time it went smoothly as I tried my best to not move each time a contraction came along. At this point, they were happening every 30 seconds or so. Finally, at 2:00 am on August 31st, I started to feel relief. I was taken into the operating room, and I remember staring up at the lights. They seemed so bright and the room smelled sterile. Clean, like alcohol. I remember crying because I felt like a failure. My dream birth had come crumbling down.

They numbed me and told me I would feel some tugging but would not feel pain. My husband entered the room and held my hand. Finally, just a few moments later, I heard the best sound in the world. Ezra crying. Nothing can compare to that, my son was here. My husband went to go see him as I lay there, without being able to get up. Finally, the nurse brought him to me, and the tears started flowing. I placed my cheek on his cheek, and he immediately stopped crying. Everything that had happened those two days did not matter anymore. My son was here and he was safe.

The 2 days at the hospital after the surgery are a blur to me. Having major surgery really affected me mentally and emotionally while at the hospital. Everything hurt. On the second night, the anesthesia was wearing off and I felt everything again. I couldn’t even lift up my arms. grabbing the rails in the labor and delivery room as I tried pushing him for 2 hours. I was drained. I was drained.

I don’t remember many people asking me how I was doing. The focus was my son. Not many people realize that both mom and child suffer immense trauma during labor. No matter the type of labor.

The one thing I wasn’t prepared for was the recovery after the C-section. I couldn’t pick up my son without help, I needed some help to shower and was much slower moving around the house. Breastfeeding him was another story. Not only was I learning how to breastfeed him, I had to worry about my incision as well.

The only reason I was able to make it through was because of the support I received from my husband and my mother. My physical body needed attention, but I also needed mental and emotional healing. Giving birth takes a toll on you, and having a support system is the reason why I recovered the way I did.

Now I am 2 months and a half postpartum. My body is healing and my mind is slowly healing as well. Not every day is great, but every day I see my son smile I remember how blessed I am to be his mom.

As I heal, I've learned to talk about my story. Talking encourages healing and helps process sadness, frustration, anger, and pain. This is to encourage other moms who have endured births that may have changed them or scarred them. I see you and I am here for you.